Monday, November 22, 2010

Still Waiting.....

Do you remember when you were a kid and you didn't know how to swim? You were stuck playing in the shallow end by yourself watching all the 'big kids' play in the deep end. You would get as close as you could to them, trying to prove you were 'big' too and they should pay more attention to you. The less they paid attention the farther out you would go until, all of a sudden, your feet weren't touching the ground anymore. You felt a panic. You were torn between yelling out for help hoping someone would hear or just sinking until your feet were touching something solid then 'bouncing' your way back to the shallow end. Back to where you would feel lonely but safe.
 That is kind of where I am right now. Treading deep waters, trying to fight down my panic and figure out where to go. These next few months are going to be big for me. At the moment I am trying to finish high school a few months early and get my business off the ground. I know that sounds kind of funny, that I am just graduating from high school and trying to start a business. It is true nonetheless. There are still a lot of kinks to work out, and I am a long way from 'professional photographer' status, but photography is my passion, my art, my 'calling', I guess you could say. I have a lot of plans in the works (including getting my business licence) but that is a-whole-nother blog post.
 Right now I am on a precipice between adulthood and childhood. I think it is safe to say I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of failing. Afraid of being wrong. Afraid of my age being viewed as a handicap. I've been praying a lot about this. Praying God would show me what to do and give me peace about the paths I am taking. I have also been praying that I will not 'jump the gun.' I know He has a perfect time for everything. I've seen it over and over again. So, I am still waiting, thanking God for these last few months He has given me with my parents before I head off to college. I will never get these months back.
 These two verses from Psalms 27 almost bring me to tears every time I read them(which is a lot because I wrote them on top of the notebook sitting on my nightstand that I use to jot down my ideas when they are coming so fast I can barely keep up)
 verse 1~ The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
 verse 14~Wait on the LORD: be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say on the LORD.
 It is like God saw what was going on in my life, reached down from Heaven, and wrote them just for me.

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